What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 03:58
Was to survive, this bastard.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why is Eric Clapton so roundly disliked among guitarists?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We all went to grammer schools
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What was the craziest place that you had sex with someone in public?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She was in good health!
Which Korean female celebrities look the best in a bikini?
Ive learnt so much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why do subpar women think that they are nines and tens?
I think the readers, may guess!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i lived it daily.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was 9 years of age.
What did i know ?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She wouldn,t have been !
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Especially a lifetime of it.
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She married twice! .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What are you wearing under your clothes today?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One cannot live in the past .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Comes on , in middle age.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My family never makes their pension either.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was seconnd youngest,
Put me off passion for life!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I write beautiful poetry .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We were not on the streets..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So whats the point in blame.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I have no regrets .
I will be 64.
I was very sick at this time too.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But, we were locked up after school.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I couldn’t, believe it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My life is so biszare .
I said to her
Who then, do I blame.?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He resisted the act ,that day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It was going to be , some day.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
All the time i was locked up.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When she asked me how she looked .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im still living with it.
I don,t even have a pension.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
This is soul school!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She loved him until the end.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
(And it was in our own minds.)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was scared of men, in general
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Would this be the day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But it wasn’t much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I waited trembling.
She found it foreign!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!